Listening is the foundation of everything I do: leading restorative circles, certifying circle keepers, designing workshops, and teaching practices that support resilience and wellbeing. Yet, after years of helping others listen with intention, I continue to discover how much there is to learn.

Each conversation gives us another opportunity to practice. Can we slow down enough to receive what someone is sharing? Can we remain curious when their experience challenges our understanding? Can we allow ourselves to be changed by what we hear?

Listening begins with the space we make within ourselves.

Make room to receive

We bring more than our ears into a conversation. We bring expectations, memories, assumptions, deadlines, and sometimes an answer we have already decided to give.

Before the other person finishes speaking, we may be preparing a response. We may be searching for a similar experience to share. We may be deciding what they should do next.

A deliberate pause helps us notice these habits. We can take a breath, settle our attention, and ask ourselves: What might I learn if I allow this person to finish?

Let another person’s story unfold

In restorative circles, a talking piece gives each person an opportunity to speak without interruption. Everyone is invited to contribute. Everyone may also choose to pass.

That simple structure asks something of the listener. We practice allowing another person’s story to unfold at their own pace. We resist taking over the conversation, even when we believe we have something helpful to say.

We can carry that discipline into an ordinary meeting, a conversation with a colleague, or a moment with someone we love. We can give another person enough room to discover what they need to express.

Notice the urge to fix

When someone shares a difficulty, our desire to help can move us quickly toward advice. We want to relieve discomfort. We want to offer a solution. We want to make things better.

But we can first ask: Would it help to talk this through, or would you like us to explore possible next steps?

That question honors the other person’s ability to identify what they need. Sometimes they welcome guidance. Sometimes they need time to hear their own thoughts in the presence of someone who cares.

The quality of our listening helps shape our ability to be fully present.

Who in your life or workplace benefits from your presence?

– Loving